a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
