party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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