So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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