Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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