hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
