He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The struggles of a small town man whore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
