I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
