im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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