Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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