Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last night I used snow as a chaser
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
