I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this just has baby written all over it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
