____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
