I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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