Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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