She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Alive.
So much puke
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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