Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
