Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
