thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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