I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
