Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
