Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
