ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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