Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
