That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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