Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
