I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
