I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
