how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
