More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found the puke drawer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
