.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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