he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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