they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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