I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
