I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
