Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
