STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
