theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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