she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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