hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
