can we get nightvision for the apartment?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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