so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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