i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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