I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
