He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
