My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
