He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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