before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
