All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
