I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize