he shaved USA in his pubs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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