I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I could fuck to npr.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
