Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
