Define "chronic" masturbator.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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