guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
