just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
